So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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