I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
