You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
