I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
