babies were throwing up all over the place
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
