The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
