So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
