matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
