I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize