so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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