and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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