I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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