Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
