We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
