Duck Duck Cougar?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need to align my fucking chakras
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
