talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
