She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
