im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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