You can't motorboat a personality
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
