This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
