every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
