Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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