life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
