i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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