I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
