Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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