Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
