Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your penis caused this!
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