A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
