how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
