I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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