Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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