If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
