Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize