so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
