Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
