You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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