was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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