I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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