ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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