I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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