fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
