so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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