I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
