Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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