Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
