so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
