I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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