So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
