he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm like, not good at living.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
