I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
