these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
