Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize