I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
