Don't you send me to vm
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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