I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
