Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
