My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
