I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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