Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
