I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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