is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
