i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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