4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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