I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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