I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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