Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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