I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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