What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
