Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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